Silent Suffering – A short Story

In the beginning, the job of an obesity councillor had its perks, I mustiness admit. I use to crave the enjoyment I received from part someone who needed me, yet I never thought that service myself would be my downfall. My married wo valet, she hates me, I can find oneself it in her eyes any time she dares to look my direction. And my children, what use am I to them now? similarly fat to even kick a ball A microscopic support from her wouldnt go amiss I reckon, yet of course she has a life of her own. I used to be happy, we used to be happy. so everything changed.My job was everything to me, but how can a fat pig of a universe the likes of me show any kind of encouragement for his patients? I think it happened when my father died, we were close me and him. I took four weeks off from work, the wife was away on business and the kids stopped with her parents. All I could do was eat, I thought it would go away, but even now, almost cardinal years posterior food is all I thi nk about. I suppose the fact I recognise what Im doing is a starting point, but what have I got to live for now? I really cant see my marriage making it to the end of the year, theyll take the kids off me, Im sure. What kind of a dad can I be? Theyll say Im mad, theyre probably flop too. Look at me So desperate for someone to talk to that I have talk to the ugly thing staring back in the mirror Councillor heal thyself abide bys to mind doesnt it?It never works you know, bottling things up. It just leads to unhappiness. But when youre unhappy anyway theres not really a difference. sometimes I just want to end it its like a animal(prenominal) pain, burning in my chest. Ive planned it you know, Im scared of course, thats why I sustenance putting it off. Fat cowardYesterday at work, suicide seemed inevitable at once again. For 15 years Ive sat at my desk listening to the depressed stories of large number like me. Can you imagine what that does to a man? My whole work career has been spent in a cell of depression and my lord mind is telling me its definitely taken its tollI suppose my daughters sports day a few months ago. She dragged me up for the parents race, I tried to repudiate but she wouldnt let me. The whistle blew and away we went. Other dads racing like ruddy hares and then there was me, huffing and puffing at the back. I didnt even cross the line before I collapsed in a heap, pains tearing through my chest. Teachers rushing just about, determined to phone for an ambulance but I wouldnt have it. I looked up my wife stood in the outdistance a scowl on her face as usual. She said later that it served me right, practically calling me a greedy pig in the attend Shes right though, as always.You see, what can a man like me give in to the world? Im just another statistic, another middle aged man with no life. Fat and ugly, thats all I am All I need is some pills I know we have plenty around the house. Just enough to do the job. Ill take them befor e I sleep, that way Ill never feel it, just go to sleep and never catch fire up. Shell be happy, I know it. Free to be with the fancy man I know she hasMy eyes are closed now, it wont be long. I left a note in the kitchen telling my kids that I grapple them. I didnt say anything about the wife mind you. I used to be a good man, with a purpose How did I come to be this?